Good morning Ma Mere:

Another year has passed. Four now. I still long to see your beautiful smile. I still crave your Sunday dinner of roast beef and gravy. And I so wish I could just sit and talk to you about life and love and you. My mind is filled with the memories that have shaped my life. Memories of your exquisite voice singing me to sleep. Memories of watching you turn the kitchen into a bakery in order to make your famous Christmas cookies. Memories of picnics and cookouts and weeks spent at Scraggy Neck with our cousins. Most of the time, I find those memories sustain me. But there are times….times when I just need your calm, confident voice to soothe my pain, to help heal my broken heart, to give me sound advice (not that I always took it). Times when I need a hug from you. A hug from my loving, lovely Mama. I always felt safe and loved and, though at times I took a path you didn’t always agree with, you were always there to guide me back to wherever I needed to be.

We have a new golden boy puppy. His name is Finneus O’Malley Flanagan. You would LOVE him! He would LOVE you. He’s been a bit of a handful, but I try to channel the calmness of your spirit, even though I never have had your ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos. I’m trying. Looking back, it amazes me how you kept order and boundaries alive in the day to day craziness of raising 8 children. You are a saint. And I miss you.

Do you remember the puzzle I got you one year of a goldfinch sitting on a purple coneflower? Well, I looked out my window the other day, and there, sitting on my purple coneflowers, was a brilliant, stunning goldfinch. Munching away on the seeds. I know it was a sign from you. Thank you for that. Oh, and Dad sent me a tiny, feather from a young cardinal. All gray with tips of pale salmon. I found it in Finn’s play yard. These signs make me know we’ll see each other again. Til then, my sweet, sweet mama, So Long.